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Forgotten by ~Dusk-of-Stars:iconDusk-of-Stars:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


Don't mind me,
I'm just
sitting here
in the dark,
waiting to be found.

Such neglect.

I feel like
the wall flower
at the few parties
I'm invited to.
It seems
that people just
                                                   forget
about me.

A reject.

Waiting
for the day
when I'm
           found.
Waiting
for the day
when people
                  realize
                                                                                                         I'm alive.
You said you'd talk to me later.
You say you'll invite me
                           "next time".
But why do I feel
                                                                                                         it's a lie?
You're just saying those things
to make me
                                                                                                         go away?
©2009 ~Dusk-of-Stars
:icondusk-of-stars:

Author's Comments

Yeah... The poem pretty much says it all.

Comments


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:iconidiotxxsavante:
~IdiotxxSavante Jan 25, 2009, 11:12:48 AM
I liked the poem, but the way it was written kind of distracts the reader. I know it is for emphatic purposes, though and kind of like it.

--
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
-JFK
:icondusk-of-stars:
~Dusk-of-Stars Jan 25, 2009, 11:16:34 AM
thanks for your feedback!

do you mind telling me how the way it's written is distracting? cuz this is for English class and I want it to be good

--
Hello there
The angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim
Of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
:blackrose:~:blackrose:~:blackrose:~:blackrose:
:iconidiotxxsavante:
~IdiotxxSavante Jan 25, 2009, 11:19:47 AM
The way certain words are pushed off to the left such as "I'm alive" and "forget".

--
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
-JFK
:icondusk-of-stars:
~Dusk-of-Stars Jan 25, 2009, 11:34:14 AM
so they should be closer to the other words??

--
Hello there
The angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim
Of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
:blackrose:~:blackrose:~:blackrose:~:blackrose:
:iconidiotxxsavante:
~IdiotxxSavante Jan 25, 2009, 11:36:59 AM
It would probably be preferable to emphasize the words in a different way [such as bolding or italicizing]. When you have to look over to the right to see the next couple of words, it can make you lose your place and you'll read the same line a few times over.

--
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
-JFK
:icondusk-of-stars:
~Dusk-of-Stars Jan 25, 2009, 11:43:50 AM
oh, okay.

anything else i should change??

--
Hello there
The angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim
Of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
:blackrose:~:blackrose:~:blackrose:~:blackrose:
:iconidiotxxsavante:
~IdiotxxSavante Jan 25, 2009, 11:46:03 AM
Nope.
I really enjoyed the poem as a whole.

--
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
-JFK
:icondawnlilly81:
~Dawnlilly81 Jan 25, 2009, 11:51:57 AM
:hug:

--
Spread the <3

"And I could tell you his favorite colors green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie."

~Taylor Swift, I'd Lie
<3 <3 <3
:iconplatinummyr:
=platinummyr Jan 25, 2009, 3:16:40 PM
Aww!! :aww: :heart: :cuddle:

--
*TheWritersMeow
A birthday is just a day, you say.
But it's a special day.
It's the day you first changed the world.
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